Ходжа Н. (hojja_nusreddin) wrote,
Ходжа Н.
hojja_nusreddin

Руми, Диван Шамса Тебризи, # 0441 "Жажда" (liberal versification by Coleman Barks)

1.1
What I want is to see your face in a tree,
2.1, 3.1
in the sun coming out, in the air.
3
What I want is to hear the falcon-drum,
and light again on your forearm.
5.1
You say, "Tell him I'm not here."
5.2
The sound of that brusque dismissal becomes
what I want.
6.2
To see in every palm your elegant silver coin-shavings,
7.1
to turn with the wheel of the rain,
to fall with the falling bread of every experience,
7.2
to swim like a huge fish in ocean water,
8
to be Jacob recognizing Joseph.
9.2
To be a desert mountain instead of a city.
10
I'm tired of cowards.
I want to live with lions.
11.2
With Moses.
12
Not whining, teary people.
I want the ranting of drunkards.
13.1
I want to sing like birds sing, not worrying
who hears, or what they think.
14.1
Last night, a great teacher went from door to door with a lamp.
15.2
"He who is not to be found is the one I'm looking for."
18
Beyond wanting, beyond place, inside form,
That One.
21.1
A flute says: "I have no hope for finding that."
22.1
But Love plays and is the music played.
23.1
Let that musician finish this poem.
24.1
Shams,
24.2
I am a waterbird flying into the sun.



Remarks by Sergey Sechiv:


Missed beits
: 4, 16, 17, 19, 20 (total 5 of 24).

Missed half-beits
: 1.2, 2.2, 6.1, 9.1, 11.1, 13.2, 14.2, 15.1, 21.2, 22.2, 23.2 (total 11 of 24)

Misplaced beits
: 0

Essentially altered meaning beits
: 1.1 (orchards & rose gardens are replaced by a tree), 3.1 (the function of air is misinterpreted), 5.1 (king is missed), 5.2 (doorkeeper is missed), 6.2 (replacement of the original metaphor of the mine of elegance for the Barks’ metaphor of the elegant palm “with silver coined shavings”), 7.1 (experience is inserted, the concept of the heaven’s wheel free gifts torrent is missed), 9.2 (the wondering in mountains is replaced by being a mountain, wilderness versus prison is missed), 13.1 (nightingale replaced by a bird, the concept of envy is missed), 18.1 (description of the mystic's internal state is missed), 18.2 (annihilation is missed), 23.1 (the concept of the ode style is missed), 24.2 (hoopoe & Solomon are replaced by a waterbird and sun).

Slightly altered meaning beits
: 7.2 (Oman and the deepness of ocean are missed), 8.1 (the lamentation of Jacob is missed), 10.2 (Ali & Rustam are missed), 11.2 (the light of Moses is missed), 13.2 (lamentation is missed), 21.1 (rebeck is replaced by flute), 24.1 (east & pride are missed).

___________________________________________
Coleman Barks, "We Are Three," Maypop, 1987.

Literal translation by Prof. Arthur Arberry
: http://hojja-nusreddin.livejournal.com/2679285.html

Критическая текстолухия: параллельные английские и русские переводы
-
http://hojja-nusreddin.livejournal.com/2681616.html
Tags: divan, rumi, баркс, диван, жажда, литерадуроведение, перевод, руми, шамс
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